|Jun. 22nd, 2008 07:57 am Long awaited update (for some)|
I have finished my M.Ed.! Yay Me!!! My "online" graduation is Thursday, I don't know what to expect from an online graduation so I'll let you know.
I have also allowed a new kitty to adopt me, her name is ...wait for it... Hermione. She's a cute little calico with a propensity to enjoy books! The name originally came because in the Jedi One household I am owned by two cats Harry and Ginny (Originally Virginia from the state that I found her), since we (meaning Jedi Jr. AKA the Padawan and myself)and since the new kitty was a female we concluded that Hermione was a good name, later she earned her name by playing in a box full of Jedi Junior's books and then another time climbing on top of a shelf with Star Wars books for a cat nap. Jedi Jr. would like to get a "Ron" to make the "Feline Trio" into a "Kitty Quartet" but I think that 3 kitties is more than enough. Jedi Jr. now is owned by 6 kitties 3 at his Mom's, and 3 with me.
I have begun taking a leadership course for my church it is called Great Commission Leadership Institute or GCLI. I have also been selected to be a leader in a "Home Church" Our congregation was divided into thirds and twice a month each group meets at someone's house for food, fellowship, worship and prayer, our next meeting is this Friday and I am looking forward to it.
I am currently unemployed except for the skating rink and money is very tight, but God has been faithful and he will remain so, I know he will provide for my needs just as he did when I was doing my student teaching.
I have moments of great emotional pain from time to time as a result of the divorce. I still cannot believe that DADAGinny divorced me (I am still perplexed by why? even now), but as I am forgiven my trespasses I know that I can do know less for hers, or anyone else's for that matter. God has been healing my heart and in time He will deliver me from the pit that I have been in, I just need to trust that there is a reason for everything, God has a plan for each of us but I must trust that the reasons for why I have had to endure so much over the last couple of years will be revealed in time (God's clock not mine).
Jedi Jr. has been doing great with the divorce, he has been handling it better than me for the most part and he has been such a blessing to me. He gave his life to Christ back in April and I have been seeing some real spiritual growth in him and I praise God for his salvation as well as mine. I pray that I can be the spiritual teacher that he needs and that he will grow to be a great man of God!
Lately through my prayers and devotionals the message that God seems to be giving me is to wait; by that I do not mean sit around and do nothing. Rather, just as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead I must trust that he will do the same for me. The first step however is to roll the stone away so that he has access to that which needs a miracle in my life.
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|Mar. 12th, 2008 09:45 pm update|
I am doing better these days though my heart still has some healing to do, by God's grace and Mercy I am doing better emotionally.
My Father and Mother have been sick and my Dad has been in the hospital for a couple of weeks. He will be moving into a retirement home soon, he needs a lot of help with his health, medication and activities of daily living these days; so keep him in your thoughts an prayers please.
I am extremely busy these days, I am doing homework at three different levels (college Master's level classes - Student Teaching) (High School Homework -lesson plans, grading, etc.) and (Middle School level homework for Church - I am trying to get a Middle School Ministry off the ground).
I have also picked up a part time job with flexible hours. I'm working at a skating rink to help make ends meet. I also had a dear Brother in the Church give me some money to help me out financially a couple of weeks ago. My finances are in a shambles since the separation and subsequent divorce. I have to hang in until I finish my student teaching and degree, then I'll look for a teaching job. In the interim I will probably pick up a full-time temporary job for the Summer and hopefully by the Fall I'll have a full-time teaching position. I should get a college loan disbursement soon and that should help for a little while.
In other news The Padawan gave his life to Christ about three weeks ago and last Sunday I had the pleasure of Baptizing him at church myself!
I know that in some way this is all in God's plan, but I have to wait on his timing for it all to make some kind of sense. I must have faith that he will see me through and provide for me as he always has.
I also must strive to do better with my spiritual walk. I have had many struggles and I have stumbled several times since I came home, but God is faithful and he is with me, but I must call on him to help me when I am tempted to sin.
Next week (Thurs. - Sat.) I will be doing a total fast (water only for three days). I know I can't spend all of that time in the word and in prayer, but I will try to spend as much as I can in his will. I really want God to move in my life in many ways, and I want him to free me from some addictions I have been struggling with. He has already started to do a great work by allowing me to be sick with a nasty respiratory bug (complete with a 103 degree fever), I was so sick and I was coughing so much that the desire to smoke was very weak so I prayed for deliverance and I haven't smoked in about a month (Praise God)! I have struggled off and on with nicotine addiction for many years but God's Grace and Mercy has delivered me and I claim victory in him.
Well that's about all for now, I'll post another update in a month or so.
Take care my friends and keep me and the Padawan in your thoughts and prayers.
Keep DADAGinny in them as well I know she has been having some financial difficulties as well and who knows what other struggles and difficulties she is having.
Thanks My friends and God Bless You All!
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Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: God of Wonders
|Jan. 24th, 2008 06:24 am An update|
I just thought I'd drop in a do a quick post.
For those of you that can read DADAGinny's posts, I'm assuming she posted that the divorce was finalized last week, but I can't say for sure as she doesn't want me to see her LJ anymore. It's friends only and she doesn't count me in those ranks anymore
I went through last week feeling quite numb, shocked and depressed.
I can't believe that this actually happened to me. I really don't think there was anything that I did to warrant a divorce, and DADAGinny in spite of my best efforts to convince her to help me help us to work it out, didn't even want to try.
I suggested counseling (a program that has a 95% success rate in restoring troubled marriages), but she believed that the divorce was the only thing that would make her happy.
Anyway what's done is done, I can't do anything about it now. I would take her back in a second if she would say "I was wrong, I made a mistake and I want you back."
We are trying to remain congenial for the Padawan's sake at least, I am hurt and my heart feels as though it has been ripped out and stomped on, but God will get me through eventually.
Our little Jedi Jr. (aka the Padawan) has been handling the divorce better than me although we are both going to counseling he still seems to be doing better than me at dealing with this. He is the little light in this dark tunnel that keeps steering me toward the big light which is Jesus who awaits me at the end.
I have been trying to move on and start a new life, but there are times that I ache for DADAGinny. I told the Padawan that even though I can't have DADAGinny, I can take some comfort in the fact that I'll always have part of her in him.
Yes I still love her and I probably always will in some way. I thought I had the right girl, I married for life and it just wasn't meant to be. There were some things that I could have been better at in our marriage, and I was willing to change them for the sake of the Woman I love, but she said over an over again "You haven't changed in 12 years, so why would now be any different?"
I tried to explain to her that I am a better man, I am a better Christian than I had been, but according to her this was part of the problem. I loved God. she said "You love your God and the church more than us, if the church told you to leave us you would!"
The church would never have told me to leave her and even if they did my family is more important than the church, it is not more important than my personal relationship with God however. The Bible tells us "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all else will be given unto you." My relationship with God only helps the relationship with my family, but she didn't understand that. The Bible tells us to love the Lord your God with all your soul, with all your might and with all your strength and I have been trying to do that. Some days are better than others, but I have to lean on God more and more as time goes on especially with this wretched divorce hanging over me, but He will deliver me, this too shall pass.
I will try to write more soon, but I just wanted you all to know how I have been feeling. I didn't ask for this cup to bear, but I have to bear it. I know God hates divorce, but it was not me that destroyed the marriage through divorce, it was Satan. I wanted to stay with DADAGinny the rest of my life, I only wish she had the love in her heart to hold on to what we had, I didn't take our marriage vows lightly. What happened to "For Better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part?" Satan is the enemy in all of this not DADAGinny.
I forgive DADAGinny and I pray that God restores her spirit and her hunger for him. I pray for her salvation and her healing, I pray that She will embrace God and his church as I have even if our marriage is over. I still love her and I wish things would have been different. I had hoped that I would come home after my year and a half active duty mobilization to a loving united family, but Satan got there first and now DADAGinny and I am Divorced, but I am convinced that what Satan meant for evil, God will turn to good in his own time and according to his plan for my life.
In time God will heal my heart and will reveal more of his plan for me and I am hopeful that the future will hold wonderful things for me and I know God's promises for those that cling to him, the problem is I want my life to make sense right now and it doesn't but I want God's Will in my life. In time I will know unspeakable joy if not in this life than in the moment that he calls me home, whenever that may be. I'm here now and I want to be the Man that God wants me to be, through the trials that have occurred in my life he will shape me into who he wants me to be and I look forward to becoming that man and I look forward to helping the Padawan become the man that God wants him to be. I am hurt and in pain, but God will deliver me as he always does and this alone gives me hope.
Current Mood: hopeful2 comments - Leave a comment
|Nov. 25th, 2007 09:12 pm Some verses I am going to try to cling to during the Holidays.|
"Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God . And the peach of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally , brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:6-9
" What does a man get for all the toil and anxios striving with which he labors under the sun? All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless." Ecclesiastes 2:22-23
and perhaps one of the best as we worry about the Holidays is Matthew 6:25-34
25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (NLT)
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|Nov. 20th, 2007 10:00 pm Hello everyone|
I know it's been awhile, but here's a bit of an update,
I'm a substitute teacher now and I'm still trying to finish up my M.Ed. (All I have left is student teaching which begins in February. Next spring is the predicted date to finish).
I'm still hurt by my new life, but I am trying to adapt.
I'm in counseling and, because money is very tight these days I've asked for Government help to get me by until I can get my teaching certificate and begin teaching full time. I've also had some friends help me out financially.
I'm still pretty involved in the church and they are coming alongside to help me through the tunnel. The big light at the end is Jesus, but I have a little light helping me fend off the darkness as well, and that is My Padawan.
I still believe that God has a plan for me in all of this, and that everything happens for a reason. He will show me the path he has laid before me as I need to know.
I'm thinking of attending a divorce victims group that meets at another church. With the help of My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and the help of the church I will eventually heal from all the difficulties that have been weighing me down.
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33 (NLT)
Current Mood: calm6 comments - Leave a comment
|Sep. 7th, 2007 11:04 pm In case you haven't heard...|
DADAGinny asked me for a divorce. I don't really understand why, but it is what it is. I tried to fix it, I suggested counseling...I really tried to work it out and I really tried to get her to help me work it out, but in the end she feels this is best.
Keep me in your prayers my friends I am in need of them. I haven't got my teaching job yet, money is tight and next month I start my 4 months of student teaching. I will be done with my degree in the spring and then hopefully I'll begin professionally instead of the substitute gig.
Current Mood: drained6 comments - Leave a comment
|Jul. 12th, 2007 04:22 pm Although I have never played this game I thought I'd take a look|
Memage stolen from DADAGinny
|You scored as Red Mage, Red Mage. What are you? A black Mage? A White Mage? A Warrior? You can be all three! You can fight solo later in the game, and, yes you get the mighty pimp hat.|
Summoner / Beastmaster
Final Fantasy 11 Job
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|Jul. 10th, 2007 05:20 pm I'M DONE!!!!!!!!|
I just finished my final Out-processing!!! WHOO! HOO!!!
*Does Jedi Katas 1-30 in rapid succession!*
Unfortunately I can't leave until Monday (legalities!)
However on Monday morning I'm in route to my loved ones back home.
I can't wait to see My Imzadi and our Padawan!!!!
I love you Imzadi! I love you Padawan!
In other news I was given some parting gifts from my co-workers
A cool coffee cup, a framed and matted aerial photograph of Walter Reed, a plaque with the medics prayer an Army Commendation Medal, a National Defense Service Medal and a Global War on Terror Ribbon.
I purchased for myself a 3'X 5' cotton U.S. flag that was flown over our capital on May 16th in honor of 21 years of service in the Army Reserves and my pending retirement from said service!
I should be home on the evening of the 17th, if not sooner! (depending on how tired I get driving the 900+ miles home to Missouri)
Current Mood: ecstatic2 comments - Leave a comment
Current Music: When Johny comes Marching home again!
|Jun. 28th, 2007 04:58 pm almost done here...|
I've been packing the last couple of days in anticipation of my departure. Right now it looks like I'll be home for The Padawan's B-day!
MEMAGE FROM MY BEAUTIFUL IMZADI DADAGINNY
(is this a surprize to anyone?)
|You scored as Millennium Falcon (Star Wars), The world around you is at war. Fortunately you know how to handle that with the greatest of ease. You are one of the best at what you do and no one needs to tell you that. Now if only the droids could be quiet for five seconds.|
Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)
Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)
Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)
Enterprise D (Star Trek)
Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)
Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)
FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)
Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)
Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)
Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in with? (pics)
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Current Mood: anxious1 comment - Leave a comment
|May. 17th, 2007 05:06 pm I'm so tired of being here, I need to be home where I can put my life back together|
I am really feeling down today. My life is 1000 miles away and my stress is at a new high these days. My time is dragging by and I cannot get home fast enough. I feel like I am losing my family, because I cannot be with them. It has been 14 Months away from home and my life is turned upside down or at least it feels that way. I don't know what is going to happen when I get home. Will we be able to pick up our lives where we left off 14 months ago? Has my life changed so much that no one knows me anymore back home? I feel sick about all I've missed while serving here. Lord give me strength to piece my life back together, and to piece the lives of the ones I love back together.
Current Mood: depressed2 comments - Leave a comment
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